By: Kip Thompson, Music Editor, Rolling Stoned
From Levi is God’s chosen band, and according to God Himself, were put on this earth to single-handedly save rock music as we know it. The 4 founding members, Levi (guitar, vocals), Moses (lead guitar), Adina (bass), and Gershon (Drums) were ordained to spread the gospel of rock, and they take their mission to be the best godd*mned Texan Alternative Metal band seriously. The band manifested in 2021 from a collection of theologically correct levites, balls-out rockers, and serial killers. Their Texan brand of alternative metal falls right in line with Breaking Benjamin, Chevelle, Helmet, and Papa Roach.
No one knew who From Levi were until Lollapalooza. The 4 bandmates mysteriously appeared in the middle of the main stage while Megan Thee Stallion was in the middle of a horrendously mediocre set. Levi simultaneously slapped both her tits and the microphone out of her hand in the middle of her performance of “WAP.” After an impromptu Texas-style, on-stage brawl with Megan’s backing band, From Levi ripped into a 15-minute set, managing to fire off three-and-a-quarter songs before Lollapalooza security dragged them off stage and beat them mercilessly in the parking lot.
The band was holed up in Machine’s Farmhouse Studio in Dripping Springs, Texas, a few miles due west of Austin, hard at work on their debut album. I’d been tasked with writing them an epic band bio.
Curious about From Levi’s origin, I tracked down a close friend (and biggest fan) of the band’s: God Himself.
After storming the gates of Heaven (located in Central Texas), I found God sitting on the couch watching the Dallas Cowboys, clearly perturbed.
He came to the door with an err of annoyance and frustration, but His demeanor softened when I told Him I was there to talk about From Levi.
“I was up in Heaven, listening to rock radio, like I normally do on Sundays, and some techno pop crap came on,” God said, “I thought to myself, ‘What’s this bullsh*t doing on a rock radio station, godd*mmit? Clearly, I need to step in here.’”
“You created them out of nothing?” I asked.
“Of course! It was like Adam, but with bigger balls, baritone guitars, and a MESA/Boogie full-stack.”
“Why did you name the band From Levi?” I asked.
“Leviticus 26, my friend; blessings for obedience, cursings for disobedience…. And nothing’s more godd*mned disobedient than what’s on the radio nowadays!”
“Who listens to radio anymore?” I asked.
God sighed, clearly annoyed, “I’m old. But, I can still put together epic metal bands.”
As always, God manifested the perfect creation: From Levi.
“They’ve only got one job,” God said, “Kill pop music, and look good doing it.”
“That’s two jobs,” I replied.
God glared at me, and then draw His hand back for a giant bitch slap. Everything went black. I awoke 3 hours later in the middle of a field. God’s son, Jesus, was sitting next to me, headphones blaring into His ears, head bobbing back and forth ferociously. He removed his left ear bud, “This band rocks, bro!”
Vocals, Guitar, Programming
Lead Guitar
Bass
Drums
